im really amazed at how time flew.
its like woah
in two hrs time 2004 wld have come to an end
and it'd be a whole new year..
a brand new start to everything too.
three yrs of sec schl life jus went past like that
& looking back, i cant imagine how i sat for
those torturous lessons and exams.
well, in some ways i think i've grown and learnt alot
frm the things that have took place
and i guess its both gd n bad ba.
no point dwelling over those regrets
so il jus learn from them
n make sure i wont repeat them agn yeah.
sigh its the os next year alrdy.. the final hurdle.
i wont squander away the time thats left
and im gna study hard and not regret
when i look back on yr 2005.
i must make it to tj !
or maybe acj but its like so damn far

well.. i really have no idea
how im gna survive next year
without seeing you and all
and as much as i want time to stop in 2004,
i know its just impossible.
i guess thats the way with life ba.
everyone moves on, people come and go.
you entered my life for that short period of time
but you really touched it
and i cant tell you how thankful im for that.
even though things are dis way now,
il wont give up trying and who knows?
maybe we'd talk and laugh like old pals
a few yrs down the road (:

hmm no particular wishes
but i really hope that il learn to be sensible
and everyone arnd me including yours truly
will be contented and happy with life (:
im gna pray really hard
and hope my wish will come true yeah

okay on to today.
i went out with zoe ( zueee ) and xue!
qq cldn make it
but nevertheless, it was really enjoyable!
bought my schl shoes
den went tamp looking for their xmas presents
while waiting for them to reach.
so qiaoly saw zhenxiu
den right when my happy ending was playing,
dis bunch of guys were imitating
the starting part which goes 'oh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh'
and i was like :\
so we ate macs and took neos!
think it was quite pretty heh :D

xue was complaining bout someone
who's changing her name
and actually i think its still as gross.
no offense but its true.
went to pasir ris park later
cos they complained sentosa was too far
hahaa we were being lame
by imagining the tsunami coming
and whr we wld cling onto and stuff lolx.

took loads of pictures!
oh and the weather was really crazy
cos it rained and stopped for about five times?
den we wrote on the sand too!
someone was writing someone's name harhar
but my handwriting was nicer can :D
walked to down town east
and hung arnd for quite awhile
before taking the mrt home with xue.
yayy fun day with no sadness
only joy and fun. hugs (:

ahhh i feel so dead.
i haven even touch my chi hw
and my chem worksheets arent done too.
sighh. i hate myself
anyw christa jus told me
ms tay's our form tcher next yr.
hahaa i hope the info's not false =p

TAG

thurs ; 301204

hhaha jus got off the fone with val.
was talking bout that particular topic
and har har i think im really useless

watched kungfu hustle the other day
and it was pretty okay.
very action packed but there's no story plot?
well, the mute girl's really really pretty tho!

i didn't ask for it to be over, but then again,
i really never asked for it to begin.
for that's the way it is with life,
some of the most beautiful days
come completely by chance
but even the most beautiful days
eventually have their sunsets

its really meaningful i think.
makes so much sense
but yet its so hard to even think that way.. :(

/ edit
was looking thru my stuff for xmas
and i realised i received eight cards altgd!
wheee rocks man :D
am going sentosa with zoe and xue tmr!
hahah so shuang :D

TAG

mon ; 271204

now that everyone has gone off,
everything's coming back again.
seriously the more i think of it,
the more i feel like slapping you.
ure actions shows how fselfish ure really.
i didnt know that knowing me was so diulian
that u have to lie abt it
abandoning the memories was fine
replying halfway on msn/sms was alright really.
pretending not to know my email is f-ing horrid of you.
its just as gd as nt knowing me you mei you.
perhaps u were jus lying from the start
and i really take my hat off you
for putting on sucha convincing act.
an act that got me OVER THE MOON.
and i know over the moon means v happy.
i bet ure over the moon now.
so much for teaching me maths
so much for ure promise
so much for everything

sorry i dont mean to sound agitated.
am really thankful for everyone arnd me
yeah thanks a whole lot

TAG

mon ; 271204

biangg my whole back is aching like crap.
feeling damn tired also.
cld have gone heritage trail tdy
den go shopping with xue n zoe :(
grr v sickening can.

anyhow, went for ushering yday.
went meet juliana at kembangan
den she passed me her shirt n shoes.
thanks hongdou!
ohya on the way right,
i saw this tall guy in a pink shirt
and he was really cute =p
so i thought he was a beng cos he styled his hair n all
but right when an old lady went up the train,
he offered his seat to her!
rocks right! :D

met up with the rest of them at cityhall
den walked to vch.
blabla den me, zoe, xx and fiona were upstairs
tearing the tickets stubs
and giving out the prog booklets.
we looked quite pro in the white long sleeve
and silver tie can :D
spent most of the time talking
and we were like demostrating the waving action
to wenxin and quek lolx.
saw alot of ahs ppl too yeah
and ms chia!
my feet were practically deformed
cos hongdou's shoes were a size too small i think.

the concert ended arnd 9 den some stuff happened.
surely nv waste arnd 10 mins of my tlktime hahaa =x
took the train down to tamp
and had dinner at macs.
stupid zoe pangseh lor

thanks shuli for comforting me.
thanks shin for wanting to wait for me aft the concert.
i know both of you love me =p
thanks to someone also
cos he cheered me up har har
thanks xue for ure lou feng ferraro lolx
thanks zoe and qq too (:
think their ears suffered
cos i keep su ku-ing har har sorry.

qing bu yao ba fen shou
dang zuo ni de qing qiu..

TAG

sat ; 251204

its christmas
but it doesnt feels like christmas in any way.
got to know some stuff n im feeling worst.
everything is like choking me n i cant breathe.
i feel like screaming
but the words cant come out either.
its killing me really.
why dont you jus stab me,
i think i'd feel better

how am i supposed to live without you
how am i supposed to carry on
if all that i've been living for is gone

TAG

thurs ; 231204

yayy my mum bought my mp3 fer xmas alrdy.
its nt ipod mini sadly but its better thn ntg
so i shall learn to be contented.
afterall we mus be contented den will happy right?

went out with shin, jane, hui n shuli yday.
has been so long since we went out tgd
and all of us were wearing skirts hahaa.
watched national treasure!
i give it five xing xing :D
its really quite nice
and kinda like da vinci code.
really worth the 6.50 =p

took neos later
and went yoshinoya fer dinner.
had much fun talking and exchanging presents :)
the candles jane got fer me were so so nice!
the earrings n ferraros were nice too yeah.
hui gave each of us the candy pop thinggy
den shin got me sweets from korea and a peg.
lastyr was sweets frm japan n dis yr from korea lolx
thanks alot for all the presents anyw

met up with ma and aunt at night
cos dey wanted to get presents fer my cousins.
got my op skirt finally! thanks ma :D

today! towned with val and psh.
galilee had no spaghetti !@#$%^
and by the time we reached taka,
everyone were so famished
so we ate till so shuang :)
walked about and did alot of
window shopping aft that.
psh got me candles too yeah.
saw chunyim in the train on the way home!
hahah and he said hello first
if i nv rmb wrongly he used to be dao
but he's really frenlier now alrdy

times really flies.. two more days to xmas
and seven more days to schl reopening.
wo bu yao..
i dont wan schl to reopen.
next yr is gna suck.
and it doesnt really feel like xmas dis yr..
sighh :(

TAG

tues ; 211204

ahhhh my legs are aching like dunno what now
and im so damn tired.
talked to xue till 3am yday
or rather we su-kued to each other
and lamed about lolx.
den i woke up late tdy wth
and everything went wrong in the morn
but thankfully everything was ok ltr on

met up with val, went down to tamp
den to bugis.
the whole place was so damn packed
but it was really nice to see everyone
shopping fer presents.
hahha it means that xmas is drawing near yeah.
den so qiaoly babe was at bugis too so she came over.
walked back and forth many shops
cos i was like in a dilemma of wad to buy
but still, managed to get 6 presents tdy
and a card that cost 7 bucks.
my money is basically 3/4 gone
but well, i really hope its worth it yeah.

received my first xmas present dis yr!
thanks val for the super nice bag :D
whee i think it really rocks man.
thanks!

i love zoe haha (:
hoho cant wait for tmr too!
dg outing finally.
den am going shopping w my mum n aunt at nite!
yayy so shuang.
ohya the spore postal service is so efficient lor
i sent the cards yday
and ppl received dem tdy.
hahaa sorry fer the ugly handwriting =p

to have to let go
and to take back my heart
its hurting me more than you'll ever know

TAG

mon ; 201204

seems like everything is forgotten.
nvm. i really shld jus leave everything as it is
and move on too.
yknw it hurts so much to be here clinging
onto those memories
which has no hope of replaying anymore
maybe except in my heart, my mind
when u've moved on.
endless of doubts and questions keeps
surfacing into my mind everyday
and i ask myself repeatedly if its me
or if i did anything wrong that resulted in this tdy.
i think bout that particular scene of you telling me that
everything is gonna be fine everytime
though deep down i know im just being stupid and naive
but it doesnt stop me from doing so.
im so confused now i really dont knw
if i shld still send u that card
because im so afraid that
u'd think im irritating
and u'd not bother to reply me
and answer my questions.
its really tearing me apart
when i have to pretend im okay
and talk as normally as possible
without you hearing a trace of sadness
all because im so afraid u'd give me the cold shoulder.

yknw i wish i could be happy like how ure now
i wish i could move on like how u did
i wish i could see you smile at me again
i wish i could see u walking up the slope every morn
i wish i could look forward to going to schl
bcos of you next yr
i wish i could enjoy the feeling of a sudden sms
from you asking me if im okay when im sick again
i wish i could see the hehes and smileys
in ure smses once more
i wish i could giggle and smile happily
whenever my frens mentioned you
i wish i could turn back time
and tell u how much u meant to me
i wish i didnt show my unhappiness
when u told me u cldnt go out
i wish i could dance around the hse
whenever i received an sms from you
i wish..
i wish i still had you

i have no idea wad to do or expect now.
though it was painful at some point of time,
there were also many happy moments
when i felt really blissful
and it was really as thou nothing esle mattered
except the both of us

but now its all gone

TAG

sun ; 191204

second entry for tdy!
well, i finally finished my geog.
talked to poh shi hui jus now
n she got me candles from thailand!
babe bought earrings for me too :D:D
i love christmas alot :)

christmas list ;
ipod mini
that common but nice billabong wallet
espirit bag
that skirt from bugis ( wads that shop name )
charles and keith sandels
happiness all year round
raed :(

i don't want a lot for christmas
there is just one thing i need
i don't care about the presents
underneath the christmas tree
i just want you for my own
more than you could ever know
make my wish come true
all i want for christmas is you

i don't want alot for christmas
there is just one thing i need,
and i don't care about the presents
underneath the christmas tree
i don't need to hang my stocking
there upon the fireplace
santa claus won't make me happy
with a toy on christmas day

i just want you for my own
more than you could ever know
make my wish come true
all i want for christmas is you

i won't ask for much this christmas
i won't even wish for snow,
i just wanna keep on waiting
underneath the mistletoe

i won't make a list and send it
to the north pole for saint nick
i won't even stay awake
to hear those magic reindeer click

cos i just want you here tonight
holding on to me so tight
what more can i do
all i want for christmas is you

all the lights are shining
so brightly everywhere
and the sound of childrens'
laughter fills the air

and everyone is singing
i hear those sleigh bells ringing
santa won't you bring me
the one i really need
won't you please bring
my baby to me quickly

i don't want a lot for christmas
this is all i'm asking for
i just wanna see my baby
standing right outside my door

i just want you for my own
more than you could ever know
make my wish come true
all i want for christmas is you

hoho i love dis song :)

TAG

sun ; 191204

am feeling really angsty now.
i hate ppl who goes arnd telling other ppl stuff
which someone esle told them.

zoe says ppl might think im in a ------------
frm wad dey read which is not the case
and i know of nosey ppl who may read dis
so please get that clear thanks

TAG

sat ; 181204

hoho i received my first xmas card alrdy!
wad a long msg that was hahha
but anyw thanks jane :)

sis and bro went taka without me
and im so bs cos i want my op skirt !
grr its so sickening can
and sorry leh foong wen xin.
that silly guy had dengue fever
and i din know till he smsed me.
v sorry i din go down to see you
cos i din know.
still, get well soon okay.
think u dont go ncc camp better
den can come for 2F outing! huahuahua :D

the remaining of the hols are like
abit packed you mei you
20th - out with family fer presents! hoho :D
21th - out to get presents with val
22nd - dg / 2F xmas outing! -beams
23rd - dwarf outing
24th - prolly meeting qian, steven babe n nic

sighh that leaves me w five days to revise
thru my sec 3 work n school will reopen

a new life for you to look forward to
and a busy year for me.
during this period of time,
will u look back into the memories
and miss those mornings?
its gonna be so wierd and different
cos i wont be seeing you much anymore
& the thought of it is really heart wrenching.
yknw wad? i still miss the way things were.. alot :(

you kept me guessing and now im destined
to spent my time missing you
i almost wish you would've loved me too

-- edit
jus finished writing the addresses yeah.
gna start on geog in awhile ba.
was reading thru the chatlogs jus now
and the tears started falling again.
it jus sucks big time when yknw you had it all
but it was all thrown away
for reasons u cant comprehend or accept

and i thought we were meant to be

TAG

fri ; 171204

hello.
hmm talked to nic yday night
and he surely nv talk alot
but anyw am touched fer that 'smilez' sms hahaa

mum bought mochi for me tdy!
yayy i love my ma!
haha the peach one is really nice.
sigh i jus cldn stop eating?
seriously i think i grew fatter over the hols
nvm whn schl reopens il grow thinner
cos of the immense STRESS
which im sure will flood in
like water at the wads-its-name eygpt dam.
walao i forgot the name alrdy

I NEED TO GET MY BUTT DOWN TO REVISING
MY BIO CHEM AND DOING MY GEOG HW.
ohya which reminds me, i need to do shoutouts!

ZOE!
if u see dis pls sms ure hse addy to me okay
haha i miss you alrdy!
nvm. 26th can go ushering tgd!
yayy. remind me to buy sweets from mini toons
to share ok :D -hooks our arms

XUE
thanks alot fer cheering me up yeah.
sorry i stop u from sleeping hahaa
and sorry i keep :(-ing..
cant help it you mei you.
anyw dont think so much too okay
two or three more days to ren only.
hang in there :)

TAG

thurs ; 161204

yay am back frm camp!
i bet everyone missed me hoho :D
nola kidding.
am still like so tired tho i slept fer 12hrs.
rachel slept 13hrs n xue slept 16hrs
hahaha pigs =x

sunday / 12th dec : pre camp
went to schl with qq
den reached camp christine
and started unpacking and stuff.
had to cook lunch aft tht
so me and xue went to get the mop
to clean the kitchen.
whn we started washing it in the sink rite,
we saw alot of little tiny black insects
crawling and in out of the mop.
wahlao super gross lor!
there were like 40over of dem
and we were so damn freaked out.
started drowning dem with water
and slamming the mop against the floor.
urgh wad an experience

everyone shared cup noods
den settled d kitchen shelter.
tied gadgets ltr but cldn pitch the tents
cos it was raining the whole time.
slept at arnd one plus
and it was super super cold la!
everyone was freezing like mad
tho we all wore windbreakers n track pants.
was sleeping btwn qq and xue
den kept getting squeezed by dem.
poor me =p
didn sleep well la basically

monday / 13th dec : day one
juniors arrived den had luggage inspection
so many jrs brought deir hps lo.
blaa den did amendments to the gadgets
sighh sickening.
tent pitching ltr
and everyone were cladded in ponchos
cos it rained agn.
uhh den made the prizes for best patrol.
actually shiqi did like half of it =x
the wands were real nice!
den qq made this name thinggy fer most of us
haha nice nice.
ohya and thru out the day
dere were soo many mosquitoes!!
as in ALOT and dere were many varieties
damn. was so itchy and irritating.
qq and xue kept calling me bimbo.
im not a bimbo pls!

seniors and ms sia gave us debrief and i cried.
i hate her alot can
wth u my as well jus tell me straight
tht its my fault right
no need to imply and say the sec 3s blablah
screw you la.
thanks zoe, xx n fiona for holding my hand
and patting my back
v gan dong (:
uhh did sentry duty at night
with zoe qq xue xx n fiona!
hahah was quite fun :D
tho it was damn tiring
but it was really nice sitting dere
gossiping, crapping and talking (:
dey told me some stuff and i was shocked
ren bu ke mao xiang mann.
tried waking up the ppl fer second shift
but dey didn even stir ( some even snored )
so we jus continued doing fer d whole night

tues ; 14th dec : day two
prepared station games.
qq was super cranky cos she tired
den all of us suffered.
haa nola kidding we understood yeah
the first round of ppl came den had lunch.
qq went canoeing with the sec 2s
so me and xue waited for second round.
really mus apologise to xue
cos i was sleeping thru out in the sitting position
den nv talk to her.
wah bth. was so bloody tired lor

sat at olave hall with zoe xue fiona kelly xx.
spose to do the night games thinggy
but gt cancelled
so we ended up talking agn
sighh were upset over some stuff and ppl.
we did like alot of the stuff ?
everyone were upset and all.
felt like screaming but ohwell,
nothing can be done
we know it ourselves can alrdy

started on outdoor cooking aft tht
haha the sec 2s rock - cheryl and pearl
dey did as much as dey cld yeah.
was quite fun cooking macaroni etc
the chocolate banana was super nice!
den hooch got first for clearing up first!
yayy hooch rocks.
so proud of dem (:

campfire. was kinda sian really
cos we cldnt join in and all
but the jrs were enjoying demselves.
some ppl surely nv ----- but nvm.
not our prob also.
den evelyn dance so so nicely okay!
hahaha everyone were like mesmerised
including yours truly :D
had supper den jrs wenta slp
while we had a short debrief
slept fer like one hr den woke up.
was like dying la.
sighh was so xing ku

wed / 15th dec : day three
jrs woke at 230 den set off fer night hike.
hooch combined with heineken yeah.
me and fel were in front leading
and it was quite scary initially
cos it was practically pitch dark.
hahah i love the sky tho!
it was really beautiful
cos there were many many stars
in the huge expanse of it.
some stars were in pairs
while one was three in a line.
so so nice!
hahah stars rock (:

den we saw a shooting star!
i only saw the ending part :(
din manage to make any wish sumre
but nvm. better thn ntg.
slept while waited fer d other grps
den walked back ltr.
had brunch den cleaned up
time past v quickly
den went up the bus
aft carring the stuff up.
slept thru out the whole journey lor

reached schl arnd 2
den someone kept smiling
while carrying the sparse -looks about
carried out the prize presentation.
hooch had 4 ppl taking the indivual prizes.
am happy fer them too yeah.
went to the toilet to wash up ltr on
n everyone was pissed over ahem.
nvm we'll stick by each other!
went long johns with zoe qq xue fel shiqi n violet
fer dinner den home sweet home!

well, camp's finally over.
was really stressful and tiring
but i enjoyed it in some way or another.
got to know some ppl better
and found out tht dey r really nice (:
plus we endured everything together too.
haha i love everyone esp zoe xue qq fio n xx
thanks alot fer everything.
sec threes rock!

woah it took me an hr plus
to type out dis entry.
anyw i do not always cry can.
stupid lemon

cant u see u mean the world to me? :(

TAG